Compassion for You and Me

In our generation wherein conformity and pretension are the usual norms, we lose the opportunity to garner the real rewards of vulnerability.   It is so ironic that what we yearn nowadays is belongingness but we often isolate and set aside the very common thing we all acquire – vulnerability.

Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in human experience (Brown, “What it means to Dare Greatly” ). Rather than fantasizing on the impossible desire for perfection, why don’t we choose the humane path, the path to further fill our lives through vulnerability? We must let go of the idea that the false image of perfection leads to a better self.

We must embrace ourselves, but we can’t do that if we chose not to embrace vulnerability. And once you embrace yourself, you embrace others.

Vulnerability gives birth to compassion, for self, and for others. We became kind to others when we became kind to ourselves. When we found the beauty in each and every aspect of ourselves, we begin to know our real worth, and we become kind to ourselves. I know it’s a cliché, and here I am to further elaborate this idea for us to appreciate the deeper meaning of this cliché.

Imagine yourself as an empty bucket. You start pouring kindness to that bucket every time you get to know the real worth of the bucket and as the kindness rises, you also embrace yourself more wholly. When it reaches the brim of the bucket, it overflows and spreads to other people.

The second reason why we become kind to others when we become kind to ourselves is because when we are kind to ourselves, it means that we’ve accepted ourselves, together with our own vulnerabilities To clarify, vulnerabilities in this case refers to one’s internal liabilities. When we are able to do that, it simply means that we have enough knowledge to understand others that they, just like ourselves, are also worthy.

The last reason is simply because of vulnerability, which means in this case, the emotional exposure to uncertain environments (Brown, “Debunking the Vulnerability Myths”). When we learn the essence of vulnerability, we learn to accept the idea that we must take risks in order to be fully alive. As a result, we expose our true selves to others despite the risk that they may take advantage of us. Yes, we might get hurt and betrayed. We might think that it is better to just build walls around them to defend themselves from betrayal, they are actually also enclosing themselves from happiness. However, if you do really know the essence of vulnerability, you continue to show your real self, you continue to show your kindness because you know that it will all be worth it in the end.

Works Cited:

Brown, Brene. Daring Greatly.  New York: Penguin, 2013. Print.

You Can’t Outsmart Yourself.

Let’s face it. We live in a world where our egos rule. We always wish to let our strengths be seen, and we tend to hide all the weaknesses away. Most of us has a mindset that a good solution to cure the struggles we face is to deflect our vulnerabilities. As a result, we suffer alone. We keep all of those things to ourselves because we fear to lose the trophy of status and power and most of all, we fear to lose social exclusion.

Ironically, the key to avoid social exclusion is through empathy, and the way to empathy is having the courage to show your vulnerabilities. We understand each other when we speak from our hearts. And that is what keeps us connected and glued to each other.

We tend to keep the things that are hard to be spoken. Sadly, they are usually the ones that mean the most. Let’s not waste the opportunities for growth. I know that it is a risk, but we must take it. We might never know the difference it will make in our lives, but remember that in the end, we will only regret the chances we didn’t take.

We also believe that we have a full control of our whole selves. But believe it or not, it is a mere illusion. Yes of course, we can always control the way we react, we can control what we show, but we will never deny what we feel. No matter how good your pretension skills are, it always will show. In fact, we harm ourselves when we pretend, because we chose to remain ignorant to look and reflect at ourselves honestly and gently.

Oftentimes, we push against our feelings, we push our vulnerabilities, but in the end of the day, they will win, but we won’t lose either, because we have probably won our lives back. As Louise Altman said,

“We cannot skip, overcome or outsmart the vulnerability – the fragility of our humanness.  Not if we want to be fully alive. But we can bring it out of the dark and work on it – together.”  

References:

Altman, Louise. “Vulnerability is our Common Bond” August. 2015. Web. 14 Sept. 2015.

Vulnerability – key to fulfillment

To have a fulfilled life, you must take risks to extract its fullest potential. We, human are hardwired to be connected deeply. One of the risks we must take in order to achieve these things is to have the courage to show your vulnerabilities or to let your guards down.

Dr. Brene Brown said in her TedTalk, “Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.” Yes, having that courage is really hard. It takes a lot of guts to reveal your flaws, imperfections, to confess and to share our deepest secrets. We tend to hide them because we fear that it may humiliate us, it may take away our sense of belonging and fame. We have no guarantees whether other people will accept what we have shown or revealed.

However, it also takes also us to the deeper part of life – to connect with people especially our loved ones. Connection fuels the meaning in our lives. Well, in order to achieve that, vulnerability is the key. It leads to the empathy one shall acquire in order to understand and relate with each other. It serves as the evidence of trust between people. Yes, as I’ve said it has no guarantees, it may be used behind our backs but how else can we find out who really accepts us?

No one can deny this. We all experience shame and fear, that is what makes us human. We all tried to escape this, but the more we run from it, the more we run away from connection. So in order to transform shame into a friend, we must embrace our vulnerabilities. It’s not just about accepting yourself, it is also allowing yourself to be seen completely in order to connect. It allows us to know our worth and to find where we belong to.

Dr. Brene Brown also proposes a theory that those people who have a sense of worthiness have all something in common. They have the courage to be imperfect. They have compassion, they are kind to themselves and to others. They have connection as a result of authenticity because as Dr. Brene Brown said, “They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.”

And the biggest thing they have in common is that they embraced vulnerabilty. Dr. Brene Brown explained it in this way, “They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.” It is the willingness to show your affection to other people, it is having the courage to speak up, to say what is needed to be said, it the willingness to invest in things that have no guarantee. They believe that all of these will be worth it. They believed that this is fundamental.

I know that many people pushed against vulnerability, but once you learned the importance of it, you will embrace it. You will be thankful of it, because it paves the way for you to feel the true joy we are all been waiting for. And when we begin to feel genuinely happy for that courage, when realize that it was all worth it, then we also begin to share that joy to other people and there comes the birth of compassion.

TED. “The Power of Vulnerability.” Online video clip. YouTube. YouTube, 3 Jan. 2011. Web. 9. Sept. 2015

Extended Essay: Final Research Question

Psychology

Subtopic: Vulnerability

Research Question::

• How does showing one’s vulnerability/letting one’s guards down affect the relationship one has towards another?

Finding the Essence of Life

Traveling as a key to the fulfillment of life…
What’s life on Earth if one wouldn’t be able to encounter the beauty of life that are yet to be discovered? We are usually preoccupied to live inside the borders of our daily routines. Stepping out of our borders and experiencing the life the world has to offer will widen the picture of the world we see. The journey will surely teach us a lot of life lessons we never expected to uncover. It may also let us unveil the inner potential of the blessings we receive and it may also let us fall in love with its beauty and the beauty of our very own lives.

Psychology as an instrument of connection…
I bet you had encountered a lot of times wherein curiosity of reading other people’s minds kicks in. I believe that we should have some knowledge about this or at least the basics because it helps us empathize with other people. It also opens our minds to be less judgmental and be less cynical to the different ideas from different people. This also paves a road to achieve one of the goals of human existence which is to connect ourselves deeply with one another.

Reading as an inspiration-catcher...
To tell you the truth, I am not much of a reader or what people call as a “bookworm” but when I do, it surely means that it touches my heart. There are times in our lives that we need something to serve as an adviser, other than our very own supportive family and bestfriends, books are good advisers too. They give us an insight of how different people view the circumstances that they confront, it gives us a view on the different sides of life we may need to dig deeper into so that we may enjoy the fullest of our existence. Words also give us enlightenment and a variety of life lessons that serve as a guide to the way we face life and it also feed our souls as well. To give you a sneak-peek on the favorite books I love, here is a quote from The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom, (my favorite author of all-time) “With endless time, nothing is special. With no loss or sacrifice, we can’t appreciate what we have.”

If you’re still wondering about the title of this entry, here’s the reason. One of things common between those three topics that I’ve discussed is that each one aims to add more meaning to our lives, and the reason to why I chose this because I always wanted to live our lives to the fullest of its potential.